Tweets

reallyreallyreallytrying:

medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later

(via sakizen)

ewokk:

kissing is great

but wow when you get to kiss someone you have feelings for and you’ve wanted to kiss them for the longest time and you get to stroke their face and you’re so aware of their body and how nice their lips feel

(via i-n-t-e-r-f-e-c-t-o-r-e-m)

cosmo tip #600

expertcosmotips:

if he thinks rape jokes are funny go on a romantic boat ride with him and leave him in the middle of the fucking ocean to die

(via girlyplugs)

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

good cop: it’s okay, just tell us what happened
bad cop: why the hell would you rob a bank? you’re an idiot. see u in court
dad cop: i’m not mad. just disappointed

(via mellz0r)